February 2012
14 posts
The Next Language
The next search engine innovation will allow searching directly using symbols. It will allow searching using anything that can be rendered in ASCII, and will iterate the searches in graphic networks. As Google provide results for proficiency when asked for proficiencies, Symbol-Google will provide results for the Coptic Cross alongside the Star of David. Embarrassingly, it will never learn to...
The Conspiracy to Fill the World
This conspiracy uses the language of physics to influence our goals. Language conditions us to see empty spaces as negative: Vacuums are something to be abhorred. An “empty stomach” is a step towards starvation. A deserted place is not calm, it is ghostly. More than anything, vacancy is our chief conceptual enemy. We are being conditioned to fill the world. Someone wants us to reorganize...
THE FIRST STEP OF WEARING A SHIRT
THE FIRST STEP OF WEARING A SHIRT IS DECIDING TO PUT ON A SHIRT THE FIRST STEP OF DECIDING TO PUT ON A SHIRT IS DECIDING TO DECIDE TO PUT ON A SHIRT THE FIRST STEP OF DECIDING TO DECIDE TO PUT ON A SHIRT IS DECIDING TO DECIDE TO DECIDE TO PUT ON A SHIRT LOGICALLY I CAN NEVER PUT ON A SHIRT LOGICALLY I AM NOW SHIRTLESS
The Conspiracies
The Illuminati is real. The Illuminati control the distribution of resources. They hold new technology and new discoveries until they can profit off them. They award cultural capital. They influence our thinking by controlling language. They have elected every divisive, greedy figure who has held office in your lifetime. They have cemented together big business, religion, and politics into a...
The Marriage of Adam Schedule
November 5th, 2015 is named “Building Labor Day,” and all buildings are given the day off. Skyscrapers nationwide lay down on the job. Millions are crushed. Adam Schedule tethers the Chrysler Building to the ground so it cannot get up. “Teach me your language, and I will release you,” he demands. Adam flies to Dubai and climbs atop the Burj Khalifa. He whispers into...
The Universal Conspiracy
Everything you do is limited by the existing structure of the universe. The conspiracy is universal. The conspiracy does not direct, it simply limits. The conspiracy determines what is probable, what is possible, and what is impossible. Those things that it determines to be impossible are truly impossible, not simply conceptually impossible. Conspirators have built off the limits imposed...
DOs and DON'Ts for this Week
DO pet things that explicitly request to be petted. DO NOT lick things that seem to want to be licked. DO assemble a plate of cheese, crackers, and lunch meat from your fridge for an impromptu “deli dinner”. DO NOT buy cheese, crackers, or lunch meat for the purpose of a planned “deli dinner.” DO watch for cars. DO NOT get hit by a car. DO find someone with freckles and kiss them. DO NOT pinch...
Revisionism
Bambi was based on a critically novel written for adults. What other surprises do children’s movies have in store?
Old Yeller is about a spacechild who adopts a star. It’s about to go nova, and he has to detonate it with nuclear weapons so it becomes a black hole instead. Nova is the galactic equivalent of rabies.
To Kill a Mockingbird is about programs from competing operating...
Spelling
I just tried to write out the last four months of the year really quickly and here is what came out:
Spetedmber
Octoboer
Novemb erre
Devetmter